I’m one of 7 kids, the smack-dab-in-the-middle child, starting my 3rd decade of life. If I were average, I wouldn’t have racked up more surgical procedures than 3 ordinary people do in their entire lives I wouldn’t know hospital staff well enough that they would invite me places outside of the floor on which they treat me-yet, I do. I often joke with people that I was cosmically designated to experience 90% of the medical problems meant for my siblings.
These aren’t your average medical issues either, but I don’t want to spoil my upcoming book before it’s even published, so I’ll leave the medical story there for now. Just know, I’m okay if you find randomness and absurdity funny — I laugh at myself and my life daily! Not a negative, judgemental laughter, a “What can ya do?” Laughter.
Laughter doesn’t get me through things as people often seem to imply it should; it can help, but I often laugh out of fear or stress. In stressful situations my laughter rarely makes things easier as those around me then get upset that I’m invalidating their emotional experience of what is happening (e.g. upsetting/fearful). Nonetheless my ability to laugh at those times has proven much less harmful than my habits of internalizing criticism, avoiding assistance in daily living task that Cerebral Palsy makes nigh impossible for fear of resentment, and seeking “perfect” which eventually becomes toxic to my goals.
All of my toxic habits serve some purpose in their original contexts. I can see looking back on my last decade the cost of my toxic habits has not been worth it. It took so long to see that, even after realizing how the big mental tax for these was, I had to face a “mental collections agency” before digging out was possible.
I’m here, some miles of the journey people had to drag me, and you may have passed by unaware, but this story deserves to be honoured and shared. The process may be slow, documenting properly, but hope to do right by the players within it. Please, stay tuned…