Echos of a Child’s Mind.

I was told as a child that I was not a good vocalist-NOT just by my siblings-by teachers in music classes. It made sense, when I heard my voice recorded the way others hear it, I despised it. No wonder my high school teacher scolded me in the middle of class practice. Music had been a chosen part of my curriculum until I dropped the class sophomore year and didn’t look back.

the idea that I was a lost cause musically, became a defensive joke I have hid behind for the last 17+ years. A week ago, bored in quarantine, I stumbled on a karaoke app and downloaded it. If I can’t laugh at my sister’s shenanigans, or my friends’, I CAN create my own. Best of all, I could use my killuoke (I’m so inherently bad it may kill!) to amuse everyone into a laughing ab workout,

When I started with this app, I was as cringe worthy as ever. I kept playing around to de-stress between editing sessions. I learned a lot about breath, tongue placement, and how I remember what hitting certain notes feels like. What was a joke and a good break the ice intro to this website has become a skill that I can mold again- I am not defined.

I had an epiphany today thinking about the way a writer needs a thick skin starting out, that need is something I had when it came to my voice. I didn’t take the time to demand an explanation, owned it as truth, accepting it by age 14 and leaving something that brings me peace and joy.

Similarly the skill of writing elicits negative feedback and people own it without demanding explanation. How can we improve the skill without using and sculpting that muscle. If someone can’t explain their opinion and support it, it’s no more valuable than an empty paper bag in the wind. Writing means to me that I write until I like a piece as a whole every day when I wake up. If I cringe I need to work my writing muscle more.

If you’re curious:

This < is what I sounded like when I first started working with my voice

Here < is my more recent one after 13 days of practice and exploration

I won’t become a professional singer, I don’t want to, I do want to write and I’ll keep going until I’m satisfied. I hope you discover that courage too!

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