I told everyone 12 days ago (sorry for the delay, and thank you for your patience) I was trying to print a draft of Sickybeat for a test-read by someone other than myself. Well, after some technical difficulties I did get a bare manuscript printed! 😀
It’s been a decade since I self-published my first book with a platform, and I know that I’ve improved in technique and conventions since June 2009. I had little experience publishing and no concrete directions for the writing of, I Ain’t Goin’ Down! I’m Proud of that book, and Sickybeat is better. But, I’m still nervously second guessing myself as it is read by other eyes.
Some people are anxious about more things than other people I, on the whole, am quite confident in most of the abilities and talents I have. The hard part is that my story is not always a bright one, and I could upset those I love with this new book. I didn’t intend to hurt anyone with the last one, but it happened and some family refuse to speak to me now.
I have become a more thoughtful and self-aware person in the last decade. But, even if my first book had been a family hit, the anxiety would still be here. I am revealing a part of my mind and thoughts during times of psychosis and selfishness. I am talking about things and people I enjoy that some people find annoying or fill in the ____. I’m asking FOR critique in my style and holes I may have missed in my writing. That vulnerability is hard.
And I am willing to face it so that I can grow.
My fears spawn reflection, and compassion for others. Fear is a messenger and I do my best to be an interpreter and listener without being overcome by it