I had full faith as a child
that by age 30 I would have skin so thick
I would be a human callous.
It was almost a religion,
a mantra.
In the same way that religion is a tool
to cope with not understanding at present
and offer reassurance at any, future, minute.
My future fearlessness and confidence
helped me survive my fear
of a woman I loved, but couldn’t understand.
Her actions had no rhyme or reason
and I was powerless but to watch them unfold
She created me with flaws,
and I am still paying
for the legacy
Pounds of paper document all the jabs, tubes, and scalpals
that have broken through skin, muscle, and mind.
but I just bleed.
I have left the church of thick skin
the congregation told me,
“The day will come.”
and all I could say was,
“The price of patience is far too high.”
SickyBeat 