If/Then Statements and Relationships

When I’m not doing any authorly focused activities ( writing, research, reading, building/maintaining relationships, promotion…) I am studying law and for the law school entrance exam. there is much in the entrance exam that I can do naturally well on an average day, and the parts I struggle with….*Cough looking at you Analytical Reasoning diagrams…Cough,* I improve with practice and patience.

Anyway, in the exam if/then statements are a critical way to express relationships in the abstract. For example: (given fact): if DudeX walks then ChickN runs. The idea is to realize that, given a relationship between facts (people) we can greatly restrain the possible number of conclusions made about the information and learn more than we might at first notice.

To carry forward my example, we know that if DudeX DOES NOT WALK then ChickN doesn’t have to run. She can take part in any number of things given the untold circumstances of my example situation because the other factor (DudeX) didn’t play by the rule.

Why would I mention this here on a writing blog? Because, the other day someone asked me why they should care about this blog or anything I do and I was reminded of these if then statements used to define rules and relationships in law which help lawyers figure out outcomes of cases.

I may never become rich, certain people won’t relate to or agree with what I say, but we exist in the same space essentially. If you see me and don’t engage we have no relationship and then we may miss out on something important we could have offered one another. As in any relationship one can find a way to leave, (especially an internet website) but we can’t know what we are unaware of…… If someone comes off as annoying because they were trying to get an ad up for a blog like mine and the ad didn’t come out as the author intended (I don’t do internet ads I’m a law geek and writer not an advertiser, captain!) Why make a harsh statement?

We attempt things before we know them. We see people before we talk to them. Where are we if we start in negativity? And what we miss out on then?


I’ll tell you a secret: this attempt at publishing is for my third work. My first was a write-edit-type-print local chap book “Call Me Crazy!” I had my cousin (in her late 30s then), and it was the two of us working to put 100 poems together. we did everything ourselves with only family. I had no idea how to be successful in writing, but had been told by people who had no relation to me, and little to lose telling the truth, tell me I had a knack for poetry.

Having my cousin as the nuts and bolts was helpful, the thing was she didn’t share the same passion for the subject of that chap book: Shania Twain. If I hadn’t been around she would’ve never had anything to do with Shania. Hate may be to strong a word, but my cousin certainly didn’t like the music. I wanted to meet Shania Twain and hoped poetry might gain some of her attention. (She does write all of her songs.)

The poetry didn’t work. I made the goal of meeting Shania at age 11, and by age 21 some crazy things (and some predictable, but nonetheless funny things) happened to me. Every time I would share more than one anecdote about my path in life or to meet Shania I was told, “No really? You should write a book.” So I switched poetry for prose.

“I Ain’t Goin’ Down!” was a bit more professional, it was pay to publish ($1,000 without promotional assistance) I through a release party, did one reading to a captive audience, and one where no one showed up. I went to local radio stations and my local paper WITH FREE COOKIES! I tried to get it into local book stores…. I think I sold 80 copies since June 2009.

Long and short 3 things kept me from getting where I wanted to go back then.

1. Impatience: I pushed out content even as I struggled with my health and didn’t want to wait through editing and research and healing. I wanted to write right into America’s home libraries in a year with little knowledge and fewer connections.

2. Health: Cerebral Palsy, Severe Enduring Anorexia, Major Depressive Disorder, and Chronic Pseudo Obstruction (a rare bowel condition that put me through 13 surgeries and a lot of other things that I wrote about for my new Sickybeat manuscript…) I worked through all of it. After the majority of my intestine was removed, I came out of anaesthesia insisting I MUST take a walk. The spasms were so strong the nurses made me turn around after 100 ft or so.

The truth is because I would not let myself rest and heal when I was sick, I wasn’t able to put out my best work. I was lucky if I was coherent at times. My mental health played into the physical and until I was able and willing to break that cycle I couldn’t write the way I meant to.

3. Resources: I asked around to find out if anyone knew how to find a publisher or an editor back in 2008. I had no idea where one even looked for those things. I ended up bugging a librarian friend into editing for me because I was volunteering there at the time. I didn’t pay her for it (Eeek! thank goodness she did it anyway! THANKS CATHY! ❤ )

Today, my ducks are in a row and I want to help everyone who wants to share their writing so, I’ve made a page called “Tools Connections” with links to people and things that have helped me the most in writing/creating/editing and the publication process!

I invite you to check it out —HERE I hope it helps light your journey!

This too shall pass.

There are a lot of things parents subject their children to that give the parent satisfaction purely because they drive the child insane (my mom’s favorite might have been “The Weenie-Whiney Club theme song she start every time we said something wasn’t fair.) These moments of parental revenge seem to have more value to them the more I look back.

If I didn’t like something I had to face like the special education teacher who seemed to feel justified in telling me how I should fix my hair everyday of my freshman year in high school, mom always reminded me, “This too shall pass.” I wouldn’t be a high school student forever, and I had little power to change this instructor’s perception of my ability to fix my own hair or of my intelligence.

In more painful/frightening situations in my 31 years, from fighting the fear brought on by Anorexia, to the 15 surgeries and countless hospital stays, those too passed. It is harder that the happiest moments passed faster than the gut wrenching ones (that’s what makes depression scary; we can’t see the change), but I have seen people find it. I have found it, even after a decade of physical suffering. I am on an upward health and happiness trajectory tonight.

No path is ever straight (unless you’re under 20 and tell my mom something’s unfair then it Is straight to the Weenie-Whiney club theme… ) but with the big picture things there are no guarantees or constants. I am well overall because I work and rest so that I can be well, I grow and change as my life does.

This morning though, I woke up a debilitating headache and sweating. When I got up and took some OTC pain and allergy medicine I had plans for this new day in quarantine. I went to eat my cereal, and the first bite left me nauseous and weak. it was all I could manage to crawl back into bed and remind myself that this too, shall pass. if I treat it appropriately; “appropriate” treatmeant turned out to be more medicine and 4 hours of hard sleep.

If I had taken my customary route of working despite my illness, I would’ve accomplished little, and nothing of the quality I desire. In quarantine I have had to give up almost every plan I had worked so hard to become healthy to make, but I am at home because I know not to work against my own self interests. I have created new ideas (this blog!) with the knowledge that quarantine will pass, and it doesn’t go any faster if I ignore it.

The original members of the Weenie-Whiney Club

Lip Syncing Update…

My original plan was to lip-Sync my favourite songs so everyone could have a little laugh while getting to know me but, I feel even MORE ridiculous doing that than I do singing.(Dunno HOW that’s possible…But here we are!)

That said, here you go!

AND happy passover, Easter, Ramadan, and SPRING!


First, never listen to a thunderstorm after 6pm unless you intend to fall asleep.

Second, never stop questioning and learning you will never get bored. The desire for more knowledge will help many more people than ever get harmed. For example: I seek out more information on the way language works in the brain (Noam Chomsky books are so good on the subject and require a literary stamina for the curious bystander. )

I seek out that knowledge to make myself a better listener, future juvenile law judge, and a better writer. I am not so arrogant to believe that I am beyond become better, as my story demonstrates.

Because of my curiosity I stumbled on a writer’s design website called Paint Brush today! Using the free tools I came up with a teaser ffror the book I’m editing.

Yes, it is intentionally blurry. (Partially for effect & partly to maintain an element of suprise!) Do you have any feedback? Thoughts on the title? (Would you be interested?) How does the court make you feel, interested, creeped out, annoyed, or curious?

Stay happy and healthy everyone!

Never record before you shower!

I was working on my (NEW!) SickyBeat Survives Youtube Channel before I showered this afternoon….

Note to self: you get nervous and sweaty recording. SHOWER FIRST. At least until it becomes more natural anyway!

Here’s my Channel link!


Stay well and overcome!

Have a good Laugh

Don’t pee yourself. I know everyone needs positivity right now, and the song I am about to share (MY karaoke version anyway!) will likely provide comic relief! Shania Twain is an incredible artist and person… to adapt what Shania once said, “The best way to get to know me is through Shania’s music.”

Enjoy if you can!


Staying Busy

Hello all!

I appreciate your patience as I get this site going! Perfectionism & confusion are like oil and water it turns out. Aren’t you ShOCkeD?!?!? Also not beneficial: frequent illness & an aversion to asking for help. I’m working toward finding balance while I continue to create.

In the meanwhile I offer you what keeps me busiest in this time of lock-downs below, with the best of wishes!

No one said deep editing is easy.

(Good!) News, a Surprise, & a Status

Good News!!! I’ll have free Audio content up in the next twenty-four hours! Video & written to follow soon after that!

So far this week I’ve had a medical appointment do discuss results of a pill-camera test (it’s exactly what it sounds like, swallow a pill-sized camera and it takes images of the gut you otherwise wouldn’t get!) My specialists were attempting to source the cause of the major blood loss I had at the very end of last year. They didn’t find sh!t! *see what I did there?

I tried to record some content on the go but, the quality was awful. The good news is I can edit the book the rest of the week. AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNND! I can tell you the main title: SickyBeat’s happy ending. I have yet to work out a subtitle just yet.

Maybe if I get some free content *an audio-excerpt??* posted I’ll get some suggestions….

A little about me: the extreme oddities

I’m one of 7 kids, the smack-dab-in-the-middle child, starting my 3rd decade of life. If I were average, I wouldn’t have racked up more surgical procedures than 3 ordinary people do in their entire lives I wouldn’t know hospital staff well enough that they would invite me places outside of the floor on which they treat me-yet, I have. I often joke with people that I was cosmically designated to experience 90% of the medical problems of my siblings.

These aren’t your average medical issues either, but I don’t want to spoil my upcoming book before it’s even published, so I’ll leave the medical story there for now. Just know, I’m okay if you find randomness and absurdity funny — I laugh at myself and my life daily! Not a negative, judgemental laughter, a “What can ya do?” Laughter.

Laughter doesn’t get me through things as people often seem to imply it should; it can help, but I often laugh out of fear or stress. In stressful situations my laughter rarely makes things easier as those around me then get upset that I’m invalidating their emotional experience of what is happening (e.g. upsetting/fearful). Nonetheless my ability to laugh at those times has proven much less harmful than my habits of internalizing criticism, avoiding assistance in daily living task that Cerebral Palsy makes nigh impossible for fear of resentment, and seeking “perfect” which eventually becomes toxic to my goals.

All of my toxic habits served some purpose in their original contexts. I can see looking back on my last decade the cost of my toxic habits has not been worth it. It took so long to see that even after realizing how the big mental tax for these was, I had to face a “mental collections agency” before digging out was possible.

I’m here, some miles of the journey people had to drag me, and you may have passed by unaware, but this story deserves to be honoured and shared. The process may be slow, documenting properly, but hope to do right by the players within it. Please, stay tuned…